shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
