Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
love makes seman taste better
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
