I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
