Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
