My nipple is on Facebook.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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