So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
