I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
