Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
His nipple licking is glorious
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