i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
