i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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