If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
