he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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