i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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