Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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