I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
