remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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