We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dignity is for republicans.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
