nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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