It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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