I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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