No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
