I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the condom got lost in my hair
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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