All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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