i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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