What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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