possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
did you just send me my own nude
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
