Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
