How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
