i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
