why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Can I color on your dick again?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
