we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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