I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The beer is more important than you right now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
