I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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