mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dear god my vagina.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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