it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
