I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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