Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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