You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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