I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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