matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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