Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
