if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
