I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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