After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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