Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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