she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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