mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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