I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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