I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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