I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
