Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
