Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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